I’ve Been Here Before – My Previous Weight Loss Attempt (180kg – 110kg / 397lbs – 242lbs)

2011-2012

I've been here before

My Previous Weight Loss Attempt during 2010 – 2012 (180kg – 110kg / 397lbs – 242lbs)

I’ve been here before – My Previous Weight Loss Attempt (180kg – 110kg / 397lbs – 242lbs)

I’ve been here before, and I can’t tell you how much I hate saying that. It’s that same feeling, the same determination. Yup, that yoyo stigma. To know where it went wrong I need to the whole story we have to go back between 2010 – 2012.

It started with my father passing away, he had suffered for 11 years which left his soul trapped in a shell of his former self. After that my marriage fell apart. I internalised it all, the loss and the betrayal. My outlet was the gym, the hatred ignited and I was away. The weight fell away, it was cleansing while it lasted.

What Went Wrong

However, I was like a flywheel with no brace, in 2012 it all came crashing down. Everything caught up with me. The gym masked the pain, but it didn’t deal with it. Waking up one morning and for the life of me I couldn’t stop crying, it was nothing in particular, I just couldn’t function. I called in sick to work while crying, thankfully my boss was an awesome guy and understood without having to explain.

I spent that day trying to pull myself together with help from my now fiance. The next day it was like my mind had disconnected and I felt no emotion at all, that day I tried to take my life. I was hospitalised and put on medication. Suddenly the hatred went away, the fuel for my determination extinguished. The weight came back over the next 4 years while I was medicated.

What I Should Have Done

Maybe I needed to sort out my head before the body followed. How is this time different? Well, instead of destroying myself and masking emotions I have something to fight for. I’m not a driver-less mess. I guess, even tho the hate fuels me, the love for my future family drives me. Time will tell.